Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
