She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
