we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
