I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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