Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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