i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
