I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
