Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
