Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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