Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
