Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
