was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
