i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
