I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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