idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
