she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize