Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
