Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
