wanna go halves on a baby?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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