the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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