I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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