I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
