She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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