We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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