So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize