is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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