We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
