I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
