3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
