so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
