you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
