Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Nicole vs. Life
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize