I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
