I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize