i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
