So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
