Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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