umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
