He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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