I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
