I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
