I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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