thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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