i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
