Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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