I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
