i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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