apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I want a musical about memes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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