she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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