so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
