both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize