I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
