I hate your face
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think a kid would responsible me up
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
