So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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