I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
