I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
