Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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