You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My feet surprised me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
