so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize