There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize