I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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