gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
