i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
