Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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