The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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