If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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