This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
