Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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