Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
