do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
