maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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