My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
