are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
