She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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