dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize