I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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