hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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