So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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