what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
