Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
