so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
