Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
