She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
