So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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