There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
