I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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