The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
