so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
